hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
