that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize