new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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