Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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