True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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