There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
