You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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