You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Naked. naked and bneed help.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
