Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
