Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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