Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize