i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
