I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
