She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
