Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
