don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
