nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
