No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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