He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
