Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
