Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
lets start a swedish sibling band together
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
