Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
