come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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