just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
