Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
