I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize