and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I currently don't understand fingers.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
