Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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