Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
