i need an iv and a liver transplant
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
