Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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