Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
