they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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