I met the friendliest cop last night
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
