its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
