I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
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