Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
