I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
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