how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
