is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We have started to decorate penises.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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