so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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