i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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