I'm going to jail i love you
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
