Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
