My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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