Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
