I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
