I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
a search helicopter?!
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize