drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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