You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I need a beard to bite.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
