I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Be still, my beating vagina.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
