my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
