just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
