Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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