I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
