peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
