apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he thought i was a dude.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
