Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
