well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
