apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
