im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
