I just cut my nipple shaving
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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