nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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