he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
