I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
