I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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