There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
