Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
