I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
