i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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