"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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